Rational Riot

You have a wonderful feeling in your heart. The problem is, you have trouble outwardly expressing all the feelings you have inside. After all the times you have been hurt, that is understandable.

You know that the person that is causing these feelings would really appreciate hearing how wonderful you feel. That person would be so grateful to hear of their importance in your life.

Given your past, though, it is no wonder why you feel so reserved. You know and understand and grasp the idea that positivity begets positivity. You know that declaring your love every day would only bring a stronger relationship, a more relaxed and stable bond, and would bring so much joy to the other person.

But you are still reserved. You do not wish to repeat the mistakes of the past.

You do realize, though, that the past is long gone. It is time to get busy living, or get busy dying. (With all apologies to Brooks Hatlen.)

Believe it or not, you can let yourself go without losing yourself. You can express what you feel inside without putting yourself at any more risk than you are now by being reserved. Heartache happens. Regardless of what you say or do not say. You should enjoy every moment, every relationship, every success, and every good feeling.

You know you should not hold back anymore. So don’t!

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You are constantly racing, ever striving, seeking any possible way to move forward in life. You are working overtime, staying late, and going in early, all in the supposed pursuit of keeping your head above water and getting ahead. You are lying to yourself. You are doing it all because you know that the moment you stop, you will be confronted with the utter and complete futileness of your very existence. Your domestic expenses and surging credit debts are a signpost pointing at your many endeavors to fill the void you call a life.

Let off the gas pedal. Look around you. When was the last time you didn’t? Tomorrow, you should find a cloverfield. Not a giant movie monster, a literal field of clover. Do not do anything but breathe, and look, and breathe. Sweep away the thoughts that threaten to compel you back onto the rails of your fast moving death train, and look, and breathe, and look.

You will find it, and then, you can get back to digging that hole you call reality. The difference is that now, you will have a souvenir for your children to sell for 21 zlotys on ebay when you are dead.

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You get angry. You cannot help that. There are thing in life that flip a switch inside your head and you just go nuts.

You cannot let frustration win. That is a silly concept. An inanimate, imaginary emotion defeating you and all that you are in a flash of raging blindness. You become the Hulk. (The angry stupid green Hulk, not the intelligent scientific Gray Hulk.) But you cannot help it. It is something that happens and afterwards you are left thinking, “Damn, what an asshole.”

For a brief period of time, you let some beast in the back of your head control you. You are better than that, and you know it.

Now you have to replace the mouse, the keyboard, and probably the desktop. Next time, you should take a deep breath and stay in control.

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You cannot understand why no one else can get through a trip to the grocery store with as much poise and efficiency as you. It seems like everyone from the two gay guys trying to find the perfect wine for dinner to the little Asian woman who cannot reach the soy sauce, to the mother with her gaggle of loose and noisy children are all out to prevent you from getting in, getting your stuff and getting out.

What really pisses you off is when you have five items and want to use the self checkout lane. The problem is, they have three of the four lanes closed down, and the one lane that is open is clogged up with a fat lady with two shopping carts full of groceries, a book full of coupons, and she is paying with crinkled up dollars.

What is wrong with her?

This might seem like something for you to get upset about, but it illustrates a deeper lack of respect for mankind as a whole. Everyone is thinking about themselves and never taking into consideration that they are holding up everyone else. That’s not something you would do.

You were brought up right. You take other people into consideration when making choices like, “Should I clog up the Express Lane with my fifty frozen pizzas because technically it is only ONE item.”

You are far better than that.

There are times that you need to do big shopping and you are prepared for the adventure. You go, you fill up your cart, and you wait it out in the drudgery of the checkout line.

The day that everyone is as kind and considerate as you is the day mankind takes the next step in evolution.

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